


Unhappiest Potions Master on Earth

by Diana Williams (dkwilliams), dkwilliams



Series: Tales of a Potions Master [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-05
Updated: 2015-01-05
Packaged: 2018-03-05 09:52:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3115652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dkwilliams/pseuds/Diana%20Williams, https://archiveofourown.org/users/dkwilliams/pseuds/dkwilliams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Severus Snape and the Happiest Place on Earth? What's wrong with this picture? Everything!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unhappiest Potions Master on Earth

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sequel to "A Better Offer".
> 
> NOTES: Part of the Severus Snape Fuh-Q Fest, Challenge # 103 - Faculty and students attend a fun air/carnival/circus. 
> 
> DISNEY NOTES: Cast Members are what Disneyworld employees are called. The gang is staying at the Grand Floridian, for those interested in details. Certain things, like check-in times, locations, amenities and activities have been modified to suit the story as needed. Snape!Muse would like me to advise readers who are Disney fanatics to Deal With It.

Day One:

Severus Snape looked around at the Victorian "themed" bedroom of the hotel suite with its brightly coloured bedspread, matching curtains, and bland artwork. He observed the bright Florida sunshine streaming in through the windows, and heard the faint sound of cheerful music from the pool area below their window. Outside, in the distance, he could see the graceful spires of a fairy tale castle, beckoning the young and young-at-heart to indulge in light-hearted entertainment.

Severus felt like throwing up. After he hexed a certain misguided Muggle Studies teacher who, not coincidentally, happened to be his husband.

Harry entered their room and plopped down on the bed with a grateful sigh. Severus glared at him. It was all Potter's fault that he'd been talked into this, and Severus wasn't about to let him forget how miserable he was. Chaperoning the top twelve students in Harry's Muggle Studies class on a field trip to Walt Disney World in the southern United States was _not_ Severus' idea of a good time. Thousands of miles from his dungeons and cauldrons, wearing stupid Muggle clothing instead of his comfortable robes...not to mention the room situation.

"Well, that's all sorted, then," Harry said in satisfaction. "There's one Muggle-born person in each room. The Ravenclaw and Gryffindor boys are together in one room, all four girls in another, and Ron and Hermione's room is between them. Mr. Thomas from Hufflepuff is rooming with your three Slytherins and they're in the room next to us."

"And Albus is with us."

Harry recognized the look on Severus' face and grinned. "It could be worse, Sev. What if Albus _hadn't_ decided that sleeping on a convertible sofa bed would be new and exciting?" he asked, pointedly looking at the two Queen sized beds in the room.

The thought of having to share their bedroom with Dumbledore made Severus blanch -- it was bad enough that they were sharing a _suite_. But he wasn't about to surrender that easily. "You realize that you are certifiably insane," he said with a sneer. "Letting _teenagers_ remain in rooms _without_ a chaperone?"

Harry looked much struck by the thought. "You're right," he said. "It would be _much_ better if we put the three Slytherin boys in here with you and Albus, I'll share with Thomas and the two Ravenclaws. I'm sure Ron wouldn't mind sharing the Gryffindor boys' room, and there's plenty of space in the girls' room for a cot for Hermione. I'll go arrange it right now."

Severus blanched. "Really, Potter, there's no sense making a fuss now that everyone is settled," he said hastily. "I'm sure we'll manage somehow."

"Well, if you're sure," Harry said, pretending to be unsure about the idea.

Severus was well aware that he'd been manoeuvred into agreeing, but he'd become accustomed to that feeling in the last three months since he and Harry had gotten back together. "I'm positive. So what delightful activities do you have planned for our day?" he asked, in tones that made it clear he considered the Cruciatus curse preferable to whatever those plans were.

"The boys are going to Blizzard Beach with Ron and Albus, Hermione's taking the girls shopping in Downtown Disney, and we're all meeting downstairs for the buffet dinner at eight."

"You're sending Weasley and Albus off with eight teenaged boys? Unsupervised?"

Harry grinned. "Don't worry. Everett, Lawrence, and Thomas are Muggle-born -- they'll keep Ron and Albus out of trouble."

"And which of these delightful adventures have you signed us up for?" Severus asked in a voice full of dread.

Harry pretended to yawn. "Actually, I'm fagged out after the challenge of getting everyone here, and you look like you've got a bit of a headache. I thought we'd have a lie-down, then maybe check out the Jacuzzi down by the pool."

Severus cocked an eyebrow. "Indeed?"

"Mmm. And I understand they serve a proper British Tea at four, so I made reservations for the two of us. Alone."

Severus glanced at the bedside clock, a little unnerved to see numbers instead of words like "Time for Breakfast" or "Time to go to Bed". By his estimate, that gave them four hours -- not nearly enough time for a proper love-making session, but adequate for a quick shag or three. If pressed for time, they could always do a quick Cleansing spell and bathe later.

"Mr. Potter," he purred, advancing on his husband with a gleam in his eye while simultaneously casting a warding spell on the door with his wand. "I believe _that_ is the best idea you have had today."

Harry thought briefly about removing the spell and hanging out the "Do Not Disturb" sign instead but, as Severus had pulled him into his arms and was exploring his tonsils, he decided to let it go for the moment. After all, what could possibly happen?

* * *

Harry slid into a chair across from Severus and the Potions master raised an eyebrow at him.

"Well?"

"They've blamed the sparks coming off the door on a short in the electrical wiring, so Maintenance is checking the circuits and outlets in the room. Fortunately, the maid just got a little bit of a shock when she touched the doorknob and she's going to be all right." Harry looked sternly at his husband and said, "No more warding the doors, Severus. They have _keys_ for that sort of thing."

Severus shrugged and gestured at the plate on the table. "Scone, Harry?"

* * *

Five adults sat with their after-dinner drinks, watching the nearby table full of twelve exuberant Hogwarts students. Harry thought that the non-Muggle-born students were handling the evening extremely well. Once they understood that a "buffet" was like a Hogwarts feast, only you had to go over to the central serving area instead of having food magically appear on the table, they seemed to do fine. In fact, by the sheer number of plates on the table, he'd wager that more than one student would be appealing to Severus for a Stomachache Potion before the night was over. He smirked. Severus would be delighted.

"What I'd like to know," Hermione was saying when he tuned back into the conversation the adults were having, "is why I've got _four_ girls, and you have only _two_ boys apiece."

"Because we have three Slytherins," Ron said shortly.

"And two Gryffindors," Severus retorted. "Not to mention Albus. Care to trade?"

"Never mind," Hermione said with a shudder.

"So, Harry," Dumbledore said, finishing off a pastry that left more cream on his beard than in his stomach, "what's the schedule for tomorrow?"

Carefully not looking at his husband or at Ron, Harry said, "We're touring the Magic Kingdom. Tomorrow's an Early Admission day for hotel guests, so we'll need to be at the gates at seven-thirty."

There was an ominous silence at the table. "In the _morning_ ," Ron said, aghast.

"Um, yes," Harry said. "Of course, we'll want breakfast before we leave..."

"Sounds delightful, Harry," Dumbledore said cheerfully as he wiped the cream out of his beard. "Shall we say breakfast at six-thirty? I'll knock everyone up at six, then."

The three other adults transferred their glares from Harry to Dumbledore.

* * *

Day Two:

Harry glared at Severus as they followed the somewhat frantic instructions of the Cast Members to vacate the Haunted Mansion. His husband was looking entirely too satisfied with himself.

"Severus Snape, did you have anything to do with this? Did you hex the ride equipment?"

"Me?" Severus asked, lifting an eyebrow. "I merely added verisimilitude to an otherwise pedestrian performance."

Hearing the screams from those visitors still trapped in the Mansion, Harry shuddered and decided he didn't want to know any more.

* * *

Harry solicitously held back Severus' hair as the older wizard retched into the toilet. "Sorry, Severus," Harry said contritely. "I never would have suggested the Mad Teacup Party if I'd known you get motion sickness."

Severus glared at him. "You're enjoying this entirely too much, Potter." He bent over to retch again.

"Me? Enjoy seeing you humiliated by a kiddie ride? I think your guilty conscience is making you delusional."

"I don't do guilt," Severus said succinctly. He wiped his mouth but didn't move from where he knelt. Although he doubted there was anything remaining in his stomach, he wasn't about to take that chance while the room was still spinning. "And that abomination you call a 'kiddie ride' was worse than the Floo system. Someone should complain to the management."

"You did, in a highly effective manner," Harry said dryly. "Of course, the green tinge to your face should have warned that young man to stay out of vomiting range."

"He had it coming," Severus muttered, pushing himself to a shaky stand. "Perky smiles. 'Have a nice day.' He's lucky I didn't turn him into something."

"You didn't turn him into anything because I took your wand away after the Haunted House incident."

"Which was totally unjustified." Severus staggered over to the sinks and splashed water on his face, then rinsed out his mouth. "So, what foul instrument of torture have you decided to inflict on us now?"

Harry consulted his map and decided that Dumbo the Flying Elephant would be a mistake. He smiled. "Don't worry, Sev. Next we're going on a nice, relaxing boat trip while we listen to a little bit of music..."

* * *

Severus collapsed on their bed and glared at the door that led to the living room area of their suite. From the other side of the door, a cheerful humming could be heard, with occasional words interspersed as Dumbledore recalled them.

Harry winced as Dumbledore embarked on yet another chorus of "It's a Small World" and Severus glared at him.

"Harry, let me kill him."

Harry had, for reasons beyond Severus' understanding, confiscated Severus' wand after the Haunted House incident. Severus felt oddly naked without it.

"You know you don't want to do that," Harry said patiently.

Severus gave Harry a look that clearly disagreed. "And why not? Give me one good reason."

"Because if you kill Albus, _you'll_ have to escort the students to the Character breakfast in the morning," Harry pointed out. "With all the Winnie the Poo and Mary Poppins characters."

Severus blanched at the thought of being assaulted by waves of cuteness in the form of overly large and impossibly coloured bears, pigs, owls and a singularly obnoxious tiger. Not to mention that spoonful-of-sugar-Creature that bore absolutely no resemblance to the Mary Poppins in the books his own nanny had read to him. He reflected briefly that she'd turned into a role model for him -- Mary Poppins, not his own nanny, who'd been an intolerably silly woman with a penchant for calling one by humiliating pet names in public.

"You've convinced me," he said, shuddering.

* * *

Hours later, Severus pulled the pillow off his head and glared at the wall. Albus had evidently charmed some of the living room furnishings to hum, whistle, and sing "It's a Small World."

Severus looked down at Harry.

Harry glared at him. "If you ask me _one more time_ if you can kill Albus, you'll be sleeping in the bath."

* * *

Severus plumped his pillow and attempted to adjust his long limbs into a more comfortable position within the confines of the tub. He pulled the blanket Harry had hurled at him up under his chin and, philosophically, accepted that there were pluses and minuses to this situation. On the minus side, he was sleeping in a cold, hard tub. Alone.

On the plus side, from inside the bathroom, he couldn't hear Albus singing.

* * *

Day Three:

The Hogwarts contingent split up after entering through the Epcot gates, following the plan agreed on the previous evening. The Weasleys' group and Dumbledore planned on touring Future World, while Harry's and Severus' groups wanted to go through World Showcase first.

All of which would have been fine and good if it weren't obvious that Professors Potter and Snape were having a bit of marital difficulty. Although "a bit" was a mild term: they were coolly ignoring each other in Mexico, glaring at each other by China, and verbally sniping by England. When Severus made a sneering remark about commercialism substituting for educational enrichment, Harry snarled and stormed off, his three students running to keep up with him.

Severus stared after Harry, a guilty feeling in his stomach. He hadn't meant to make Harry angry like that, but the whole day had gone from bad to worse. Waking up in the bath instead of wrapped around his lover had _not_ been the best way to start the day, and he seemed to have developed a permanent crick in his neck. Not to mention a headache that throbbed behind his eyes.

"Well," he said shortly, turning back to his Slytherins. "It would appear that we are on our own. What would you like to do now?" he asked, hoping the answer was "go back to the hotel."

"Lunch," one of the boys -- Septus -- said decisively. "This way." He led them back to an outdoor dining area in the Mexico area and found a table by the lagoon. "Sit, Professor. We'll take care of the food."

Belatedly, he realized that none of them were Muggle-born and fervently hoped that they had done well in their Muggle studies class. It would be too humiliating to have to call upon the Weasleys for assistance in getting back to their hotel. It was just like Potter to run off and leave him -- again.

Before he could get a good brood going, a plastic cup of beer appeared in front of him. "Here, Professor. This might help."

Severus looked up, raising an eyebrow. "And how did you manage that? I distinctly remember Har-Professor Potter telling us that the Americans have strict regulations regarding alcohol and minors."

"Really, Professor," Corvin said, rolling his eyes. "We're _Slytherin_."

"Tuck into that, Professor," Lysen advised, sliding a garishly coloured tray and platter in front of him. "You'll feel more the thing when you've got something inside."

Reluctantly, Severus picked up the plastic utensils disbursed with the meal and picked at the thing in the tray in front of him. "What is this?" he asked irritably. "Something Potter recommended? Should I be wary of it?"

"Only if you're prone to heartburn," Septus said with a grin. "It's a wee bit spicy."

"Professor Potter's not so bad, you know," Lysen said. "For a Gryffindork."

"Right," Corvin said. "He _does_ know what he's talking about, unlike the imbecile that taught it last term. And he doesn't play favourites like McGonagall."

"He's fair," chimed in Septus. "Which can be a pain in the arse sometimes, but I don't expect he can help it."

"No, he can't," Severus murmured. "It's in his blood."

"Mind, we're not looking forward to you two being at odds for the rest of the trip," Septus added. "Potter has a rough side to his tongue when he's out of sorts."

Severus knew all about that tongue. And he missed it, even if torture wouldn't pull that secret from him. "Are you suggesting that I _apologize_ to him?"

"Merlin, no!" Corvin exclaimed. "You'd ruin your rep for life! We've got a better idea."

Severus closed his eyes and sighed, but he felt his stomach unclench. The scents wafting off the colourful platter in front of him were enticing and he cautiously took a bite. *Not too terribly bad*, he thought. "Loathe though I am to take the advice of students, it would appear that I have no choice. What would you suggest?"

The three Slytherin students grinned and leaned closer.

* * *

Harry stared suspiciously at the structure ahead of him. The area was brightly lit against the coming night, cheery music played over speakers that seemed to be everywhere, and the hedges were cut into what appeared to be animal shapes.

"What are we doing here?" he asked, trying to summon up enthusiasm for this outing. Right now, all he wanted to do was go back to the hotel, curl up in bed, and wait for Severus.

"Come on, Professor; it'll be fun," Thomas said coaxingly.

"Besides, I already paid for two of these -- whatever they're called."

Harry spun around at the sound of the familiar voice, and barely kept a grin off his face. Severus was leaning against the wall, two garishly coloured golf clubs in his hand.

"As I understand it, the point of this game -- if 'point' isn't giving it too much credit -- is to propel these little balls through these obstacles and into a hole on the other side."

Harry couldn't help smiling a little at that. "It's called minigolf."

"That would explain the diminutive stature of the majority of the participants."

Harry's grin widened, and he moved closer to Severus. "Sev, _what_ are you doing?"

"It's called 'fun', Harry," Severus said, putting on his best I'llenjoy -this-even-if-it-kills-me" look. "Afterward, I've been told that the - er - paddling boats - "

"Paddleboats," Thomas corrected.

" - are enjoyable."

Harry couldn't help snickering at the look of his husband's face, the one that said he would prefer death to either of these activities but was willing to endure them for Harry. "Actually," he said, leaning close to Severus so he could brush his lips over his husband's, "I'd prefer to go out for dinner and dancing, and then take you to bed."

The look of relief on Severus' face was too much, and Harry couldn't help laughing. "Are you sure, Harry?"

"I'm sure." Harry extricated the clubs from Severus' hands and handed them to a couple of kids. "And I know just the place. We still have our reservations for Victoria and Alberts -- I forgot to cancel them."

Taking his husband's hand, he led him back up the pathway to where the six teens stood, looking extremely pleased with themselves. Harry gave his three a mock-glare. "Are you _sure_ you got sorted into the right Houses? That was pretty Slytherin of you."

"Actually," Everett said, giving credit where credit was due, "it _was_ a Slytherin plan. They just asked us to get you here."

"Well, it worked, so you cheeky lot can just take yourselves off."

Septus smiled widely. "We were _hoping_ you'd say that, Professor. One of the Gryffindorks - um - Gryffindors said that the Test Track at Futureworld was wicked amazing."

"Go on, have a good time - and be back by midnight!" Harry admonished as the six hurried off together. He sighed. "Sev, was that the biggest mistake of my career, sending those six off together?"

"They'll be fine," Severus reassured him, sliding his arm around Harry's waist and guiding him towards the shuttle bus queue. "What could possibly happen?"

"I shudder to think. Your Slytherins - "

"Will come up with some diabolical prank. The Ravenclaws will examine the idea and devise a plan of action. The Hufflepuff boy will then figure out how to put said plan into action." Severus shrugged. "Nothing to worry about."

Harry stared. "Sev - "

"Now if they had a _Gryffindor_ with them to actually _act_ upon the plan, _then_ I'd be bloody worried," Severus added.

Harry laughed and leaned his head against Severus' shoulder as they waited for the shuttle together.

* * *

Day Four:

Harry rested his head back against the ledge of the Jacuzzi and sighed blissfully. It was evening and a cooling breeze stirred the air. They'd spent a busy day touring the Disney-MGM park, and even Severus had been interested by the Backlot and Animation tours, remarking that it was amazing what Muggles were able to do, given their magic-less state. In fact, Severus had been remarkably well behaved today, restricted himself to only sneering at amusements such as the Tower of Terror. All three times he'd ridden it with his Slytherins. Harry had bailed after the first time.

They'd eaten a late lunch in the park before returning to the hotel for a relaxing evening, as tomorrow would be another full day at one of the parks. Now Harry's charges and the Weasleys were down at the beach area where Hermione was teaching them to play volleyball, far enough away for him to ignore but near enough for him to assist if there was trouble. Dumbledore had discovered Muggle television and something called Toon Disney, and was happily ensconced in their suite with snacks and the remote control. And Severus...He smiled as he saw Severus approach, then frowned when he realized his husband's hands were empty.

"Sev, I thought you were going up to the room to get a book to read?"

"I changed my mind," Severus said shortly. He carefully lay down on the wire monstrosity that Muggles laughingly considered suitable poolside furniture, having earlier determined that extreme care was necessary to keep the bloody things from attacking you. Crossing his arms across his chest, and over the ankle-length towelling robe he wore, he closed his eyes and feigned sleep.

Harry wasn't fooled. A big grin spread across his face. "You got trapped in the lift, didn't you?" Silence. "Sev? You can tell me."

Severus sighed dramatically. "I couldn't make the bloody thing move. I tried talking to it, kicking it -- I even tried hexing it..." Harry was laughing openly now, and Severus glared at him. "Stop sniggering, you obnoxious brat."

"How - how did you get out?" Harry asked between gasps.

"Muggles released me," Severus admitted grudgingly. Not for the life of him would he tell Harry about the startled looks on the couple's faces when the door opened and they found Severus, wand in hand, sending sparks around the enclosed box. A touch of Obliviate, and no one would _ever_ know.

"My poor Sev," Harry said, turning around in the Jacuzzi so that he was kneeling on the cement bench. "Why don't you come in here? The water's nice and warm, and it'll help you relax."

"No," Severus said shortly.

"Come on, Sev," Harry wheedled. "I'll massage your back and shoulders."

Severus hesitated. Harry's back rubs were not to be turned down lightly, and his lover could easily reduce him to a puddle of goo with his fingers.

"Sev," Harry said coaxingly. "I'll be _really_ _nice_ to you in bed tonight." Harry gave him the molten look that promised extreme oral gratification and the use of wands in ways not recommended by the manufacturer.

Severus sat up. "Well, in that case..." He carefully stood up and, looking around to make sure the area was mostly deserted, shed his towelling gown. Harry let out a wolf whistle as he caught his first sight of his husband's bathing suit, and Severus glared at him. "Really, Mr. Potter. You are spending entirely too much time with your godfather."

"Can you blame me? I've seen postage stamps with more coverage than that thong."

Severus glared at him as he sank into the Jacuzzi. "Blame Minerva."

"Which means she bought it since you refused to go shopping for this trip, and you didn't have sense enough to try it on before we left home."

"She insisted that this was proper swimming attire."

"Yeah - for Rio, or if you're planning on becoming a gigolo." Harry leaned closer to Severus and slid his hand along the front of the pouch enclosing his lover's jewels. "How about it, Sev? Want to quit teaching and become my boy toy?"

"Harry!" Severus said indignantly, scooting away from his amorous spouse. "We're in _public_!"

Harry pursued him. "It's twilight. No one can see us. Haven't you ever wanted to have sex in public?"

"I think our little exhibition in the Great Hall last Christmas cured me of that desire," Snape said dryly. "Flitwick still can't stop blushing whenever he sees me, and if Hooch yells 'Score!' one more time, I'm going to hex her broomstick."

Harry laughed and eased his fingers under the edge of the fabric, tickling at the flesh underneath. Severus' prick, foolish thing that it was, immediately responded.

"Professor Potter! Professor Snape!"

Harry's hand abruptly moved away from Severus' prick, and he dropped his head back against the ledge with a groan. He didn't know whether to be disappointed or relieved.

Harry stood up. "Miss Stoner? What's wrong?"

The Hufflepuff girl skidded to a halt and stood panting. "Mrs. Weasley...volleyball...teaching us...to serve...Septus said...Slytherins don't serve..."

Severus had a bad feeling about this. Fortunately, his erection had immediately wilted at the interruption and he got out of the Jacuzzi, reaching for his towelling robe. Miss Stoner's jaw dropped and she seemed to have lost the thread of her narrative, so Harry prompted her.

"Miss Stoner?"

"What?" Miss Stoner dragged her eyes reluctantly away from Severus. "Oh. Right. Then Kirby said that Septus should pretend the ball was Voldemort and - "

"Oh, hell!" Severus muttered. He and Harry headed for the beach at a dead run, already hearing shouts and seeing sparks fly.

* * *

Severus paced back and forth along the narrow strip between the beds and the dressers, four confiscated wands in his hand. Fortunately, one of his Slytherins had displayed a modicum of sense and had refrained from joining in the fray, but the other two and both Gryffindors had been pummelling each other when Severus and Harry arrived on the scene. The remaining students had been dispatched to the pool area or their rooms with orders to stay out of trouble.

These four would not be so lucky. Severus was angry and sexually frustrated, and someone was going to pay.

"In the twenty-two years I've been a teacher at Hogwarts, I have seen many idiotic and ill-judged stunts enacted by its students." He paused and glanced over at Harry, who stood propped against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest, a grimly unhappy look on his face. "Today's actions, however, far exceed the pitiful performances previously perpetrated. Brawling in public like Muggle street urchins is _not_ what Hogwarts expects of its students, much less public displays of magic.

"Professor Potter went through a great deal of bother to arrange this excursion. Do you know how much paperwork he had to fill out, how many collective Ministry arses he had to kiss to be able to bring you here? And _this_ is how you repay him!"

Four dirty and bruised faces flushed and four pairs of eyes looked over at Harry apologetically.

"Professor Potter has threatened to pack the lot of you up and ship you home two days early. I expect that would put paid to any more expeditions of this sort."

Severus paused, wistfully considering that lovely image, then sighed. Harry didn't deserve to be punished like that; Severus preferred to make him suffer in private. Preferably while naked and tied to the bed. The image made the frustrated parts of his body take a renewed interest, and he decided to get this over with quickly.

"And you would be justly served if he did. I would not care to be in your shoes, to have to explain to your younger Housemates that you've ballsed up any future trips _they_ might have gone on."

Four faces paled. Two Slytherins shuddered, knowing that their Housemates would kill them. Slowly and painfully. Two Gryffindors closed their eyes and groaned, certain that a sound pummelling awaited them at the hands of their own mates.

"However," Severus said, and four faces looked up hopefully. "Professor Potter does not deserve that. As personally distasteful as I've found much of this excursion, I must admit that it has provided some...educational opportunities for all of us." He glanced over at Harry, noting the surprised and pleased look in his eyes.

"Therefore, your punishment shall be as follows. Detention for the next four hours, to be served in this room. You will not be healed until the end of your detention, and then you will heal each other. Correctly, and without altering each other's natural appearance. Failure to do so will result in being left behind from tomorrow's activities, under Petrificus Totalus.

"Furthermore," Severus walked to the door and opened it, gesturing courteously for Dumbledore to enter, "Headmaster Dumbledore will supervise your detention, and I believe he has some...musical selections he'd like to teach you." Beckoning to Harry, he left the room, hanging a "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door.

"Listening to Albus sing 'It's a Small World' for four hours?" Harry said, looking up at his husband with combined horror and awe. "Sirius was right. You _are_ Evil Incarnate."

"Thank you. And I believe Albus spent this evening expanding his repertoire," Severus said. Sliding an arm around Harry's waist, he steered him towards their suite as he said, "Now, about that promise to be _really_ nice to me in bed tonight..."

* * *

Harry snuggled closer to his lover, his sated body feeling deliciously heavy. Severus wrapped an arm around him and pressed a kiss against his damp hair.

"You think they're all right?" Harry murmured.

Severus picked his wand up from the bedside table and pointed it at the wall opposite them, muttering an eavesdropping charm. Inside his head, he heard the faint sound of moaning, muffled screams, and what sounded like a head banging against a wall. Albus' cheerful voice called out, "One more time! 'Hakuna Matata, what a - ' "

Severus turned the wand away hastily, feeling a brief moment of pity for the four boys. Even Voldemort hadn't been that cruel. His wand picked up murmurs across the hall where the other four boys were apparently amusing themselves with the telly and remains of delivery pizza. He hastily skipped over the middle room as muffled sounds indicated that the Weasleys were engaged in the same sort of activities he and Harry had just finished (although he raised an eyebrow at certain rather interesting sounds accompanying said endeavours. *Really! I never would have thought that of Miss Granger*).

He picked up girlish murmurs from the next room. " -and it was so _little_! Practically not even there." Ah, that would be Miss Stoner.

A surprised gasp. "Snape was wearing a _thong_? In _public_! Oh, I'd give anything to see _that_!"

"Forget seeing it," a third voice chimed in. "I'd kill for pictures."

"Any good, then?" the fourth girl asked.

Miss Stoner again. "Are you _kidding_? You _know_ they call him the Slytherin Sex God -- and now I know why."

Ecstatic sighs from the others. "No _wonder_ Professor Potter's always smiling."

Severus smiled smugly and glanced down at his sleeping husband as he murmured "Finite Incantatum". Then, wrapping Harry even closer and thinking "only two more days to get through, and then we can go home", he let himself drift into sleep.

* * *

Day Seven:

Harry sat on the couch, going over the checkout bill carefully. Everything appeared to be in order: 4 standard rooms and one suite, meals charged to the rooms, admission passes, twenty take-out pizzas...

His head jerked up. "Twenty pizzas?"

"Don't look at us," Lawrence, one of the Gryffindor boys said sourly. "We haven't had a bite, more's the pity."

"Um, Professor?" Thomas, from Hufflepuff, looked guilty which Severus found extremely interesting. Hufflepuffs usually didn't have anything to feel guilty about. This trip was turning into a character-expanding opportunity for all of them.

"Yes, Thomas?" Harry asked, frowning.

"The other night when - you know."

Harry knew exactly what night Thomas was referring to -- the Great Volleyball Disaster. "Yes?"

"While we were down by the pool, the Headmaster told us to order some dinner and charge it to the room."

" _Some_ dinner!" Harry said, annoyed. "Not enough pizza to feed _everyone_ by the pool! How much pizza can four boys eat? Never mind -- stupid question."

"We were there, too, Professor," Miss Stoner volunteered. Her eyes, as usual lately, drifted over to Professor Snape and then jerked back. Severus smirked. Well, if nothing else, his reputation was going to be boosted by this little jaunt.

"Um, Harry?" Ron looked a little flushed as well.

Harry rolled his eyes. "I should have known. You always _were_ a bottomless pit, Ron." He sighed his name to the bill with a flourish, thankful that the Hogwarts trustees had authorized a Wizards' Express card for this trip. From the size of the bill, paying it off would probably wipe out his vault.

"Right. Everyone ready? Got your luggage, checked your rooms carefully? We've got two hours to get to the port-key sight at the airport, and we don't want to miss our slot. Merlin knows when we'd get home if we have to go on stand-by."

Everyone nodded vigorously; making the assorted headgear they were wearing wiggle, flop, flash lights, or blink. Harry averted his eyes from the brightly coloured mouse-ears with Dumbledore's name stitched on the front. He had a feeling he was going to be seeing a _lot_ of that hat over the next few weeks.

"Hermione, if you'll lead the way down to the airport shuttle, I'll drop this off at the desk and meet the rest of you there."

As the students trickled out into the hallway after the Weasleys, Harry picked up his own bag and looked around. Severus was standing by the window, staring outside with a pensive look on his face.

"Sev?" Severus turned around and gave him a quizzical look. "Ready to get back to normalcy -- or what passes for normal at Hogwarts?"

"Quite ready," Severus said, picking up his bag. "Although I must admit that it hasn't been an entirely abysmal outing. Some parts were quite...stimulating." As Harry smirked, Severus rolled his eyes and headed towards the door. "Stop thinking with your hormones, Potter. I was _not_ talking about the sex, spectacular as it was. There's just...something about this place."

"Yeah," Harry said, smiling as he followed his husband into the hall. "I think they call it Magic."


End file.
